Marriage Matters: A Single Girl's Thoughts

Keepsakes

Tonight my church's Women's Ministry hosted an event called "Marriage Matters". It was a time to fellowship with other women, learn more about God's design for marriage, and wives in particular, and encourage one another through testimonies and transparency.

Well, I'm single. 
That was actually my answer to the icebreaker. "My name is Miya. And I'm single."

A couple of years ago at the last Marriage Matters, my answer was a bit different. My perspective and my motivation for going was a little different then as well. Tonight, I prayed before I went that I would have an open, unguarded heart to hear and receive all God might want to say. I prayed that I would not react with bitterness at the large majority who seemed to have something I wanted. I prayed I would enjoy the fellowship of all my sisters in Christ.

In the first 10 minutes, after bluntly stating my answer to the icebreaker, a guest brought me to tears as she asked about the man she had last seen me with. I said, "Yes, he is my ex-boyfriend." It seemed to sting her more than me. Her face contorted, head tilted to the side, as she replied with all earnestness, "I am so sorry. I know how hard it can be to lose a friend..." Her pain reminded me of my own. But I wasn't upset, because she truly was moved by my loss. And a loss it was.

Unguarded heart? Check.
True fellowship? Check.
But boy was I nervous at what the rest of the night would be like.

The talk started.
There was prayer. There was truth. There were testimonies. There were raw questions and heartfelt, prayerful answers.
There was encouragement. And not just for the married ladies.

As we read about God's plan and design for wives, it became clear it is for all women.

Submission
We submit to Christ. Submission issues within marriage just reflect a heart that is unyielded to God himself, the true Lord of our lives. God has created all people to be in relationships with others, in many that have authority dynamics. We are to honor the God-given authorities over us as we honor Him. We do not have to trust in the authorities. We do need to trust in the ultimate Authority. As we rest in Christ's sovereignty, we can surrender control to our husbands, knowing God is truly in control.

Respect
Respect comes from the heart. And whatever is in there... well, it will come out. Spending time with God gives us an ever-increasing view of His love for us. Undeserved love for us. We come to see how He has created us in His image and given us worth. Inherently, we are not worthy of respect. We are hateful, prideful, and selfish at our best. But God comes to us with love, care and the utmost esteem. How ridiculous would it be for us to approach another person with anything less?

Gentleness
A fruit of the Spirit. All believers are called to exhibit this trait. When interacting with others, when being hurt or wronged, when approached with sin, we can be gentle. Not harsh. Not overbearing. Not angry. We can respond to others not out of agitation but out of grace. And that unmerited gentleness may lead them to repentance.

Quietness
Women are tasked with the great privilege of bringing life. Not just biologically, but spiritually and emotionally. Our peace in the midst of trial and turmoil communicates great faith in a great God. We let the world know everything is OK, that God is taking care. Rather than escalating fear, worry and stress, we disperse them with our quiet, peaceful, restful, trusting spirit.

God calls all of these traits precious. They are for Now. Not married Miya somewhere in the great haziness of the future. Now Miya. The Miya that teaches small children. They need my gentleness. The Miya that disciples teen girls. They need my quietness. The Miya that drives in traffic with less-than-lovable motorists. They need my respect. The Miya that loves to be in control. I need submission.

As the married women talked and asked personal questions, some that rang with despair and weariness, they were met with the hope of the gospel. Time after time. But God. But Jesus. Being a godly wife is hard work. And so is being a godly woman... or a godly man. God requires holiness. And He deserves it. But we can't be holy. It is all the work of God - the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. We must run to Jesus. Grab hold of the gospel, and wait patiently for God to finish the work He began. God is faithful to do just that.

I pray that all of the women who attended were richly blessed by the Word, testimonies and prayer. I pray that the truth of God's awesome resurrecting power - that He so graciously works on our behalf - covers, supports and encourages them to hope in our True Husband and our Eternal Marriage.





*Note: The talk was mostly from 1 Peter 3:1-6. Check it out.

An Icy Revelation

Here's the scenario:

I drive to Greensboro to stay with my friend Thursday night. The ice storm hits and power goes out Friday morning. I was able to go out and bring some food back to a dark, cold, hungry house. We bundle up and chat by candlelight. After seeing the cleared roads and the melting ice and knowing the weather forecast for Saturday, I say and believe that the power will come back on in the morning. Around 1 PM, the power is still off and I decide to leave to go home to get some electricity-requiring things done. A few minutes after I leave, my friend calls and says her power is back on.

I'm sure you read this and think, "So what? I don't get it." However, the Lord used this situation to teach me some things about myself and Him.

After I hung up with her, I felt icky, disappointed in myself. And I wasn't sure why. Was it because I didn't stay long enough to wash my clothes? Was it because I left her to fend for herself?

Not really. I can wash at home. I had stayed with her over 24 hours powerless and I didn't have to. We had a great time, just talking with no distractions. And I honestly did believe the power would be coming back on soon. It was about 60 degrees outside, sunny and gorgeous. But I still felt icky.

The Lord reminded me of something I had studied just last week.

Our actions reflect what we believe.

If I believed the power would be coming back on soon, my actions should have proven that. I should have stayed. Maybe... that wasn't quite it.

In my mind, I had reasoned that the power may come back on later - too late for me to get all my work done, eat, shower, etc. and head back home that evening. So it would be wise to go ahead and start home to accomplish my tasks before dark.

Then the Lord reminded me of something I had studied just that morning.

When we believe the Lord said He will do something and it doesn't seem to be working out, clarify what He said and leave the details to the Lord.

But I didn't necessarily think the Lord had said the power would be turned back on. There was nothing to clarify. I didn't hear God say "Stay with your friend." I just thought about the circumstance and made a decision.

So what does all this mean? Why did my simple, logical decisions leave me feeling icky, convicted and needing to write this post?

It showed me how far I am from where God is. 

I did not disobey God's command. I did not hear God's command. I did not listen for God's command. I did not ask for God's command.

I do this all the time. I make decisions, based on what I think, what I see. However, we are supposed to walk by faith, not by sight. These two concepts - faith and sight - are set at odds in 2 Corinthians 5:7.

John 15:5 ends "Apart from Me, you can do nothing." I don't really believe that. I say I do. I try to, but my actions reveal something different. If we truly believed we must depend on God for every single move, action, and decision we make, we would seek God. I would seek God. When He answers, we would then trust Him to work out the details.

The Lord allowed this icky-ness to churn in me until He had shown me my real sin in this. It is not that I left. It is not that I willfully disobeyed Him. My sin is the belief that I don't need Him for everything. That then affects every decision that I make.

Do you believe this lie as well? Do you go throughout your days making plans, making decisions, arriving at beliefs based on the circumstances, never consulting God? Not for the "major" decisions, I am talking about all those little things that happen from one minute to the next.

God has created us for relationship with Him - intimate, personal, all-encompassing relationship. He wants to order our every step and provide our daily bread. He wants to use us to accomplish amazing feats for His kingdom. And He gives us a resurrecting power that saves us and empowers us to be made more like Him and do His work.

First we have to acknowledge we need that power. Then we must rely on it daily.

I am the vine. You are the branches.
If a man remains in Me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit.
Apart from Me, you can do nothing.

I'm pretty sure He meant that. It's time you and I start believing it.

This is just the beginning

"Forbid that we should ever consider the holding of a commission from the King of Kings a sacrifice, so long as other men esteem the service of an earthly government as an honor."
- David Livingstone

This is just the beginning.

And that makes me nervous... or sad. Uneasy.

Philippians 4:6 tells me to be anxious for nothing, to take my requests to God in prayer with supplication and thanksgiving. I know this. But I also know that this past round was a doozy.

I am understanding more and more that God wants to involve me in His plans. But first He must conform me to His will, move me from where I am to where He is. So He is having me make adjustments. First in my thinking and commitments, then my relationships and more in my thinking and beliefs. And if those weren't painful enough, it seems like the next adjustment is in my circumstances.

I had started to think the worst was behind me. All the other adjustments were going to be easy-peasy.

Then I read about how the adjustments can often be more costly to those around you. I know God will take care of them. I know God will take care of me too. But that doesn't mean it will get easier.

Over the past few months, God has shown me that He loves me. He has comforted me, been my closest friend, loved me deeply and taught me so much.

But He has taught me through pain, loss, loneliness and heartbreak.

I can't help but be a little anxious of what is coming next.

I have to be honest. I have had a pretty easy life. Comfortable. God, however, has not saved me to a life of comfort. He has saved me to a life of sanctification that brings Him glory. If I expect Him to use me for anything worthwhile, I cannot expect to be able to stay the way I am.

So here I go. Taking another step into the unknown, steadied by faith, with a Yes, Lord on my tongue and in my heart.

I'll be praying for grace to sustain and trust to keep me going, thanking God for what He's already done, who He has shown Himself to be, and the honor of His service that He is calling me to. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Amen.