Will Control

I've been thinking a lot about my will for the past few days. My desires and hopes, the ones I try not to have. No, they're not sinful in and of themselves. But if given too much weight, focus, and worship, they will be.

A few weeks ago, I was leading a Bible study with some teen girls discussing living out faith. I commented how when we worry, we take on weight that does not belong to us, and the stress feels like we're hamsters running on a wheel. We're not getting anywhere. My co-leader wondered if any of us felt like we get on and off that wheel, in what circumstances, and why. I reflected on how I have given my will (and wheel) to God regarding my new job and move. I am trusting Him with the details and have taken my hands off. However, I consistently try to take up the reins regarding my singleness.

That thought has stayed with me and I've wondered why that is the case. Why can I trust God to give me a job, a place to live, a church home and new friends in a new city, but struggle with believing that He knows best regarding my relationship status?

I have also been reading about God's sovereignty. Actually, He keeps teaching me about His sovereignty through scripture, blogs, tweets, conversations... all very sovereignly of course. The message is clear. "I am in control. I control creation, man, powers and situations. I work everything to accomplish my purposes for my glory and your good. Nothing is outside of my control." Nothing is outside of God's control.

This is important truth, but let's back up. God is working things out to accomplish a plan. His plan. There is a plan. There is a plan! And it will come to pass.

God has a will, an agenda. Psalm 33:10-11 states "The Lord foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." So what business do I have with a will of my own? What purpose is there in making plans apart from God? What satisfaction can be gained in hoping in the temporary?

If you recall how I started, I said I had been thinking about my will lately. Not only is it unnecessary, but it is harmful. I recently read that we Christians create stress when we wrestle with two wills - God's and ours. We say we want His, but we hold on to our own, leading to disappointment and resentment toward God and what He is doing. We focus on how God will "give us the desires of our heart" but overlook how we are to first "delight in the Lord".

Luke 14:33 says, "Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." I can't help but think Jesus meant an all-encompassing "everything". So yes, our physical belongings are free game, but also our preferences, our desires, our hopes, our wills. In fact, our very lives.

The Experiencing God study makes it plain. "Until you are ready to make any change necessary to follow and obey what God has said, you will be of little use to God. Your greatest single difficulty in following God may come at this point of full surrender."

A few things have happened recently to remind me of a particular will or hope I still have as it relates to relationships. As this desire was reawakened, I found myself throwing a pity party. Oh, how unfair it is that God won't give me what I want! Why must I kill my will? Why can't God want to do the things I would like?

Yeah, I went there. But it was no surprise to God.

I was sure of God's sovereignty over me, but not of God's everlasting love for me. I don't know best. God does. I do not know the future. God does. I do not control circumstances and people. God does. I don't even know how many hairs I have on my own head. However, God does. 

God does not want to see me miss His best. He alone knows what that is. He alone is the map to get there.

God created everything. He created me. He gave me purpose. He gave His Son to die for me. He offers me intimate fellowship with Him. He has a plan for my life that fits into a larger, glorious narrative of salvation, redemption and relationship. He asks me to give up worry, stress, fear, doubt, and death in exchange for peace, joy, acceptance, contentment, provision, protection, relationship and eternal life. No, this is not fair. I don't deserve any of it. But He lavishes grace.

I can keep stressing over the strain of having two wills. I can turn up at one pity party after the other. I can strive to get what I think is best. However, I am choosing to take George Mueller's advice on how to discern God's voice, "I seek at the beginning to get my heart into such a state that it has no will of its own in regard to a given matter... Nine-tenths of the difficulties are overcome when our hearts are ready to do the Lord's will, whatever it may be. When one is truly in this state, it is usually but a little way to the knowledge of what His will is."

I am not sure exactly what God wills for me next week, tomorrow or even today. But I am aiming to make sure I am open and ready to do whatever He says. This is hard work. And I can only be faithful by God's power and grace. So pray for me.

For you, I pray that you would be reminded frequently of how big God is and how loving God is. I pray you would know He is not one at the expense of the other. He cares for you. He has a best for you. I pray that you would, like me, aim to give up everything, all temporary shadows, to gain everything that is eternal and real. Amen.


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Here is a video that has challenged me about my desires for marriage. Helpful if you have a similar will that needs to be conformed to God's.

Here is a song that blesses and convicts me EVERY time I listen to it.

Be blessed!
Miya