A Worthy Man

I want to be married. I think that is a sentiment many single women can relate to. However, I am a bit particular about the kind of marriage I want.

I want to be in a marriage that is life-long, mutually encouraging. I want this marriage to reveal God’s great grace that He lavished on us when He chose to love wretched sinners. Undeserving wretched sinners. I want to be sanctified in my marriage, purified and presented without spot or blemish.

I envision a marriage where the husband prays fervently with, for and over his family. He lays himself and his desires down for the good of the family. He loves me as his own body, cherishing and nourishing me. He teaches and challenges me spiritually. He holds fast to me, at the expense of all other earthly relationships.

I envision a marriage where I, the wife, pray fervently with and for my family. I lay my desires down, and yield to my husband’s leadership, trusting that he is being led by the Father. I want to follow so badly.

I am accustomed to leading, making plans and following through. I work every day, have to be the leader in my classroom, come home, pay bills, get the oil changed, file taxes, make tough decisions that affect my future. I travel here, meet a friend there, apply to a job here, minister there. Though I am capable of doing it all, handling it all, managing it all…

God’s design of submission is for our freedom. I long for the day I can let go, just trust in the leadership God has given me.

As a single, 26 year-old, who loves the Lord and has the previously mentioned expectations for marriage, dating is hard. Experience has taught me to be hard, protected, in control. Studying God’s design for women is teaching me to be soft, quiet, gentle. It is difficult to navigate when and how to be these things with men. The truth is that most men I meet (single or otherwise) are not currently meeting the mold I described above. So I long to be hard. Careful. And untrusting. When I decide to let down the guards and soften, I get hurt and woefully disappointed.

So I know that I have these expectations in my mind for what good leadership looks like. I have an idea of what a good man is like. And I can be unduly judgmental and prideful. I want to be broken of this. I want my expectations and ideals to come straight from Jesus and His Word – sprinkled with grace for the fallenness of this world.

I want to follow so badly. I don’t want to be in charge. I don’t want to be the (only) voice of reason, truth and holiness. I don’t want to be the constant reminder to read the Word or pray. I want to be encouraged. Inspired. Challenged. I want to be reminded I have not obtained the prize. I want to be convicted of sin and loved to repentance. I don’t want to be the one aspired to; only Jesus sits in that seat.

I am strong-willed and stubborn. Cement that with a desire to live for Jesus, and I may never be married. I don’t want to just be married. I want a godly, Christ-church covenant mystery-revealing marriage. And that seems to be hard to come by. I want to follow, but not just anybody. And I won’t follow just anybody. But I will follow a worthy man.

A servant heart.

Humble.

Kind.

Heals with words.

Consistent.

Gracious.

Sacrificial.

Faithful.

Pure.

Truthful.

Above reproach.

Compassionate.

Bold.

Powerful.

Present.

Forgiving.

A refuge.

Loving father.

Holy.

Jesus.

I want to be married. I want so badly to follow a worthy man. My problem is that I get caught up in the fantasy that it needs to be human and temporary. Oh! But to bask in the truth that I am already in a covenant relationship with the only one deserving of my submission. Jesus, who gave up His status, power, and comfort to be dirty, sick, mocked, beaten, hated and killed – for me. Jesus, who identifies with my struggles and comforts me with consistent, ever-present, never-changing love. Jesus, who graciously forgives me of all my rebellion, disrespect and pride. Jesus, who cares more for my growth than I do and always convicts and challenges me to be closer, deeper, better. Jesus, who exposes all of Him and wants all of me, pursues great intimacy.

My proper response to such a worthy man is to follow. To drop the walls, let go of the reins, and walk hand-in-hand with the Trust-worthy One.

Instead of despairing over the seemingly desolate single-girl terrain, I can rejoice in the relationship and leadership I have in Christ. And if God decides to send a man that is chasing hard after the image of God in Jesus, I pray He gives me the grace to see how following that man is the same as following Him.

Take heart, single ladies. Enjoy the freedom of submitting to the true Worthy One.

*Please go back and meditate on the attributes of Jesus, our Worthy Man. Think deeply on how He has shown Himself to be those things in scripture and in your life. Be blessed!