Marriage Matters: A Single Girl's Thoughts

Keepsakes

Tonight my church's Women's Ministry hosted an event called "Marriage Matters". It was a time to fellowship with other women, learn more about God's design for marriage, and wives in particular, and encourage one another through testimonies and transparency.

Well, I'm single. 
That was actually my answer to the icebreaker. "My name is Miya. And I'm single."

A couple of years ago at the last Marriage Matters, my answer was a bit different. My perspective and my motivation for going was a little different then as well. Tonight, I prayed before I went that I would have an open, unguarded heart to hear and receive all God might want to say. I prayed that I would not react with bitterness at the large majority who seemed to have something I wanted. I prayed I would enjoy the fellowship of all my sisters in Christ.

In the first 10 minutes, after bluntly stating my answer to the icebreaker, a guest brought me to tears as she asked about the man she had last seen me with. I said, "Yes, he is my ex-boyfriend." It seemed to sting her more than me. Her face contorted, head tilted to the side, as she replied with all earnestness, "I am so sorry. I know how hard it can be to lose a friend..." Her pain reminded me of my own. But I wasn't upset, because she truly was moved by my loss. And a loss it was.

Unguarded heart? Check.
True fellowship? Check.
But boy was I nervous at what the rest of the night would be like.

The talk started.
There was prayer. There was truth. There were testimonies. There were raw questions and heartfelt, prayerful answers.
There was encouragement. And not just for the married ladies.

As we read about God's plan and design for wives, it became clear it is for all women.

Submission
We submit to Christ. Submission issues within marriage just reflect a heart that is unyielded to God himself, the true Lord of our lives. God has created all people to be in relationships with others, in many that have authority dynamics. We are to honor the God-given authorities over us as we honor Him. We do not have to trust in the authorities. We do need to trust in the ultimate Authority. As we rest in Christ's sovereignty, we can surrender control to our husbands, knowing God is truly in control.

Respect
Respect comes from the heart. And whatever is in there... well, it will come out. Spending time with God gives us an ever-increasing view of His love for us. Undeserved love for us. We come to see how He has created us in His image and given us worth. Inherently, we are not worthy of respect. We are hateful, prideful, and selfish at our best. But God comes to us with love, care and the utmost esteem. How ridiculous would it be for us to approach another person with anything less?

Gentleness
A fruit of the Spirit. All believers are called to exhibit this trait. When interacting with others, when being hurt or wronged, when approached with sin, we can be gentle. Not harsh. Not overbearing. Not angry. We can respond to others not out of agitation but out of grace. And that unmerited gentleness may lead them to repentance.

Quietness
Women are tasked with the great privilege of bringing life. Not just biologically, but spiritually and emotionally. Our peace in the midst of trial and turmoil communicates great faith in a great God. We let the world know everything is OK, that God is taking care. Rather than escalating fear, worry and stress, we disperse them with our quiet, peaceful, restful, trusting spirit.

God calls all of these traits precious. They are for Now. Not married Miya somewhere in the great haziness of the future. Now Miya. The Miya that teaches small children. They need my gentleness. The Miya that disciples teen girls. They need my quietness. The Miya that drives in traffic with less-than-lovable motorists. They need my respect. The Miya that loves to be in control. I need submission.

As the married women talked and asked personal questions, some that rang with despair and weariness, they were met with the hope of the gospel. Time after time. But God. But Jesus. Being a godly wife is hard work. And so is being a godly woman... or a godly man. God requires holiness. And He deserves it. But we can't be holy. It is all the work of God - the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. We must run to Jesus. Grab hold of the gospel, and wait patiently for God to finish the work He began. God is faithful to do just that.

I pray that all of the women who attended were richly blessed by the Word, testimonies and prayer. I pray that the truth of God's awesome resurrecting power - that He so graciously works on our behalf - covers, supports and encourages them to hope in our True Husband and our Eternal Marriage.





*Note: The talk was mostly from 1 Peter 3:1-6. Check it out.