This is just the beginning

"Forbid that we should ever consider the holding of a commission from the King of Kings a sacrifice, so long as other men esteem the service of an earthly government as an honor."
- David Livingstone

This is just the beginning.

And that makes me nervous... or sad. Uneasy.

Philippians 4:6 tells me to be anxious for nothing, to take my requests to God in prayer with supplication and thanksgiving. I know this. But I also know that this past round was a doozy.

I am understanding more and more that God wants to involve me in His plans. But first He must conform me to His will, move me from where I am to where He is. So He is having me make adjustments. First in my thinking and commitments, then my relationships and more in my thinking and beliefs. And if those weren't painful enough, it seems like the next adjustment is in my circumstances.

I had started to think the worst was behind me. All the other adjustments were going to be easy-peasy.

Then I read about how the adjustments can often be more costly to those around you. I know God will take care of them. I know God will take care of me too. But that doesn't mean it will get easier.

Over the past few months, God has shown me that He loves me. He has comforted me, been my closest friend, loved me deeply and taught me so much.

But He has taught me through pain, loss, loneliness and heartbreak.

I can't help but be a little anxious of what is coming next.

I have to be honest. I have had a pretty easy life. Comfortable. God, however, has not saved me to a life of comfort. He has saved me to a life of sanctification that brings Him glory. If I expect Him to use me for anything worthwhile, I cannot expect to be able to stay the way I am.

So here I go. Taking another step into the unknown, steadied by faith, with a Yes, Lord on my tongue and in my heart.

I'll be praying for grace to sustain and trust to keep me going, thanking God for what He's already done, who He has shown Himself to be, and the honor of His service that He is calling me to. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Amen.