An Anniversary

12 years ago today
My mom went to be with the Lord.

I used to have a fear that I would forget her, forget memories. What she sounded like, smelled like.
Now, almost having lived the same amount of time without her as I did with her, I know I have forgotten much. Can't recall daily grind, yearly vacations, or birthday gifts. I'm not sure what her food tasted like or what perfume she wore.

But I do remember
playing in her hair - jheri curl juice and all!
cuddling with her in DEW meetings
talking about how she recently handled my sister's teenage rebellion
finding her sleeping sitting straight up with files all over her lap
(I can't help but smile and even laugh as I write these)
Easter cakes in the shape of bunnies outlined in skittles
that smile - I have it now!
the way she would greet me every morning "Wake up my little princess"
and the day she died. I remember that vividly.

I have gone through many times in my life wishing I had her.
I have mourned over the events I will in the future experience without her.
But she has left with me something greater than presence and even guidance for events.
I remember the way she fasted every week, the way she prayed at night, the way she served in and out of the church, the way she sang praises to God and worshipped, O, she worshipped and the way she read her Bible without fail.

My mother was not perfect. I remember that too.
But she was saved. And Christ made all the difference.

And now, there's me.
No mom. Not her presence or guidance in those life-changing moments.
But God's.
By His grace, I am saved.
And though I still miss her from time to time. And on rare occasions, I still cry.
Her witness in my 14 years with her taught me that my satisfaction can only be found in Christ. Through rejection, rebellion, and abandonment, she remained faithful to the Lover of her soul. Disciplined.
That is what I will remember. That is what I will keep. The practice of coming to God, staying close to God.

I'm so glad I look more and more like her everyday. I love when people say I remind them of her.
But mostly, I want to look more like Him everyday.
Luckily, as Paul said I can hear my mom saying as well, "Be imitators of me as I am of Christ."